Great Truths, Insights & Paradoxes about 'Anger and Conflict'
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Anger is a natural emotion. It is a tool that gets us to forcefully say, ‘No thank you!’ Anger that is continually repressed becomes rage, a very unnatural emotion.
Anger is a great paradox. It is a natural emotion and yet everywhere it is made wrong. Our parents can’t handle it, our siblings can’t handle it, society can’t handle it. We are even imprisoned for it. The reason is because it is completely MISUNDERSTOOD !!
Anger is a natural emotion and it always indicates that there is error in our thinking.
Anger is passion (life energy) with a negative thought attached to it. When we suppress anger, we suppress the life energy. We need to welcome the life energy and seek to change the negative thought.
Assertiveness is passion (life energy) with a positive thought.
Anger is a cover for real hurt and disappointment - a defence against feeling one’s real needs and feelings.
The more we accept our own anger, the faster we will get to the feelings beneath.
Acting out the anger only releases tension - feeling the real feelings beneath the anger, makes the anger disappear.
When the real feelings behind anger are not felt, they remain waiting to be felt.....
When our needs and feelings as children are continually ignored, we shut down in the following sequence: Unmet needs >> hurt/disappointment >> ANGER >> rage/hate >> emotional shutdown >> physical symptoms/neurosis.
When our anger gets triggered, what we feel is maybe 5% from the present and 95% from the past. We decided who we thought we were in the first few years of life and it won’t have changed much since then. We really cannot be hurt as adults - only triggered!
The thing that makes you angry is what you perceived was happening when you shut your heart down.
We are never angry for the reason we think.
We are angry because we see something that is not there.
Irritation is simply a lesser degree of anger.
Anger must come from judgement. Judgement is the weapon we use against ourselves.
What we resent the most in our parents, we become. Resentment is old anger, re-sent.
Helpless, hopeless and powerless is the bottom line on anger.
Boredom is anger with no expression.
Forgiveness ends the dream of conflict.
We can help to resolve conflict by:
- Letting go of all judgement and asking for what we want in every circumstance.
- Not having to be right. We can imply: My way is not a better way, simply another way!
- Bringing it home and speaking only about oneself and what one feels and needs rather than making projections about the other.
The greatest conflict between our parents is one of the greatest conflict within ourselves.
The decisions we made when we took our first breath are at the core of all human conflict.